X-Factor: The Other Woman

Probably not what you’re thinking. I just have a question.

That is usually how these posts and/or write-ups start, right? With a question, usually posed to the general public, with the poser hoping to gain new knowledge or insight on the topic… The potential feedback always excites me.  This question though, is specifically geared toward the female members of the SCREAMATME.com audience. Those faithful and unfaithful (we saw your tweet about that other site!); if you have an opinion, we would like to hear back from you.

Here goes nothing…and everything…

Do women NEED that other woman?

Pause, for you. Not for me. Actually, that idea might be arousing…

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Insert digression and a sincere apology for possibly seeming sexist, here.

Anyone who knows me, well enough, understands that generalizations aren’t something I’m necessarily comfortable with. This indeed, is a generalization. However, it seems as if most of, if not all of you XX chromosomes require this companion. “She” is your other X; the component that ultimately makes you a woman. Life, and the universe as we know it, just wouldn’t be the same without her. Ok, that may be a little extreme, but you know what I mean. Or should I note, you know exactly WHO I mean. If not, allow me to help clarify. Gina had Pam. Lucy had Ethel. Wilma had Betty. Shit, Mark Zuckerberg has Facebook.

Now, in fear of completely losing you, just over 200 characters in, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the Pams, Ethels and Bettys of the world. It only took me 20 years or so, but I finally understand their purpose. I think.  It is my belief that women and definitely less, but some men require someone to share everything with. From their most embarrassing moments…to the special instances…to the awkward, “sweet baby genesis” occasions, actually if you’ve ever said “sweet baby genesis” you need more than a friend to talk to)…but either way…she has to know, and she most likely has to be the first. Remember when you gave up the goods the first time? She knew before your partner did.  From the resume creation, to the application, to the job interview then the job offer and then the promotion. Shorty was there. The marriage proposal? You called her and then you looked at him and said “YES.” The car accident? You called her before 911 and the insurance company.  Your bad ass kid brought that pink slip home - wait, do they still send delinquents home with those? Did I just age myself? – It was “her” first, principal second.

It may be funny and scary, at the same damn time. Why? I’ll tell you why: because now, it’s like second nature. And you know EV. VER. REE. THING about each other. Deep dark secrets your parents, siblings, husbands and children don’t, and as long as you keep each other happy, will never, ever know about. I think everyone needs an outlet. The difference though, between men and women is that men don’t always need another person as their outlet. We often defer to other things to serve that purpose: sports, video games, drugs and alcohol and sex are just the first few that come to mind. Hey, I didn’t say they were always healthy outlets…

As a younger man, with women (all with very different personalities) in my life that I am blessed to have enough of a substantial relationship with to observe the relationships they have with other women, I have to say, it’s some confusing shit to digest. I’d sometimes rather sit in my first algebra class all over again. First you love her, then you hate her, then you love her again. You love her again… …  All the while, she’s your living, breathing diary. And you, hers. On the surface, it’s cool. The more involved you get and the deeper the relationship is dissected, it can be perceived as just flat out creepy.

Women are emotional creatures, and tend to instinctively adopt impulsive behavior. Are you not afraid that one day, you’ll piss her off enough for her to air your dirty laundry? I’ve been witness to the worst of it. Facebook posts and twitter rants and instagram timelines populated with racks on racks of slander…all because of a misinterpreted remark or, a mood “spillover” from a previous situation, or maybe even sometimes some authentic spiteful BS. It gets very real. And what’s most baffling is the point of forgiveness that occurs no more than a week (I’ll be honest: sometimes a few months that turn into years) later. Nonetheless, the posts are deleted. The words retracted. The apologies are distributed, accordingly. And just like that, it never happened. It’s back to life. Back to reality.

In girlfriend: “Hey. So. Yeah. What did I miss though?”

In English: “I’m sorry. We’re grown and probably shouldn’t be acting like this. I love you. Accept my apology by telling me what’s been going on with you?”

That’s unconditional love, that some don’t even offer a promising mate.

It’s a difficult concept to grasp. And for all of my guys in relationships, it’s that much harder.  Just know, despite what your better half may or may not tell you, her better, better half is most likely aware of all of your business. My advice: don’t sweat it. It works. It has for years. And will continue to work with or without the argument you try to have with your girlfriend, fiancée, or wife. It’s really not worth the headaches you’ll self-induce. Realize men talk too, sometimes more than women. Let her know, you don’t want her truer love to know everything that goes on in the relationship the two of you have created, and be willing to show her the same courtesy. But also, understand there are benefits to that third wheel. She listens to everything you have absolutely NO interest in, and if you take her out of the equation…you’re in for a very long conversation, my friend…and that’s every day at around 7pm.

Just my thoughts. Feel free to open up slander season on this article via the c-section, twitter, Facebook, tumblr or…WAIT…I have a better idea…

SCREAM @ ME!!!